Is it me, or do crickets have really shitty taste in comedy?

So a little while back I had some free time to myself.. So I sat there (this isn't a sex story btw) and thought to myself, 'What can I do?'. I tossed around a few ideas, mostly involving heavy substance abuse. But I was trying to break my habits.. (namely midget porn). So instead I flicked through my Itunes looking for a decent tune. I found one. And then it hit me. It hit me like my father when I was 8 years old.
It suddenly struck me to create my own rendition of Papa Roach's 'Last Resort'. Now I'm not the best writer of lyrics, but I gave it a damn good shot. It was based on the theme of food, it's sloppy (joe) and unfinished. But it goes a little something like this...

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZA

THIS IS MY PLASTIC FORK

OVEN BAKING, HEAVY BREATHING

DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF IT'S CARBS THAT I'M EATING.

THIS IS MY PLASTIC FORK

CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZA

I'VE REACHED MY PLASTIC FORK

OVEN BAKING, HEAVY BREATHING

DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF I GET MY FOOD STEALING

DO YOU EVEN CARE IF I DIE EATING?

WOULD IT BE SCONES, WOULD IT BE RICE?

IF I ORDER OUT TONIGHT

CHANCES ARE, THAT IT'S SPICED. 

MAKING IT SUPER SIZE

AND I'M CONTEMPLATING EXTRA FRIES.

...Simply beautiful.

Now I do promise to at least make an attempt to make more of these bogs for you to read Brad, just bare with me... Hahawaitwhatsthat? ... It's a Blog?... Oh.. .. your face is a Blog.

It's not the fact that I don't enjoy making them, I do, trust me. They just require more amounts of effort then I can be bothered to invest into. You see, this valuable time I'm wasting typing these words that you're reading right now, could be used on say... perhaps.. I don't know, how about exercising?! that's what cool people do right? no?
Okay what about studyi-HAHA.. no. couldn't even finish that haha. Good one though Brad, but I think the word you're looking for is 'Masturbating'

Ahh true..

More Poké-Fun

So anyway, my friend dug up this beautiful video that struck my funny bone with a light, yet euphoric percuss. And let's just say it made me smile. I hope it makes you smile too. Link here. Just skip past the first 40 minutes of hardcore bestiality porn and yeah.... *cough* (in all seriousness though, there's another 2 just before it, check them out)
In other news, This chick has an amazing rack, and a freaking awesome Poké-Bra... Admit it, you're a little turned on right now from that eh. This made me happy. As did this. But yeah.. i did promise myself that this one wouldn't be a monsterously long one like the rest, as i have a sahuuuper busy day tomorrow, and the next.. and pretty much the rest of my life.. So you might want to just never visit this Blog ever again.... Go on.. I'm serious.... Go.

...GO!


... You're still here aren't you.. Man I hate you.

Fine you can stay.. But you're sleeping on the floor.
Oh what am i saying.. c'mere audience.. loveyou.

Where was i? aha yes, okay then! before I piledrived the audience, i was just about to show you how funny this image is just to the right. Do you think poor, freezing children are purposely naughty throughout the year so that they get coal for Christmas? Maybe. That would be pretty awesome. Speaking of awesome, i decided that as a late new years resolution, I'm going to make up a resolution for next year. I'm also going to generally try and make the most of this year, develop as much as I can, don't force anything, and just yeah :) It'll be a good one I'm sure as hell about that!
Haha whey! i just managed to talk about a subject for 4 seconds without trailing off into some fucked up tangent.

Give yourself a pat on the back Brad.

So hey, this concludes our Bog for today .. (you know i should just make up my own name for it, how about.. Snipped of daily awesomeness) (yeah, nice one previous bracket, I like that, it really suggests there's going to be regular doses of these things) (thanks predecessors' bracket, I'm glad you appreciate my idea, i think you're right, seems like we can get along after all)

...(fuck you)







So yes! What have we learnt today. If anything we've learnt that if you ever get in a situation like this, follow these simple rules. It's usually hit, stop, look at the body, think about calling 999, forget about calling 999 and then run like fuck.